Voldemort and Hogwarts
by Dark Priestess Tsubaki
Summary: A story about Katie and her friend Alex in their third year at Hogwarts. Voldemort tries to take over and Dumbledore has alzheimers. Discontinued
1. She broke my wand

Voldermort and Hogwarts   
  
A/N:This story is writen by me and my friend Katie...enjoy and review...if you want..please?!  
  
Katie slowly walked around Diagon Alley. She wasn't paying any attention attention to the wizarding world around her. She was supposed to be thinking of the stuff she needed to buy for her third year. She had lost her list. Instead of trying to remember the items, she was thinking of things to come in her third year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The pockets of her baggy black jeans, were filled with gold coins, and she was on her way to buy some sundaes. She saw her friend Alex (Ali) walking towards her and she looked very angry.   
  
"Whoah Ali, whats wrong?" Kaite asked, snapping back into reality. Alex held up two halves of a wand.   
  
"Kaelen broke my wand." she screamed.  
  
"Ali relax it's just a wand! You can buy a new one." Katie said as she looked at the wand pieces.  
  
"I don't have any money though." Alex complained.  
  
"Well since Kaelen broke it she can pay for it!" muttered Katie.  
  
"Can't, she doesn't have any money and anyway she's a muggle."  
  
"What about your parents?"  
  
"They are also muggles. Don't have any wizard money."  
  
"I can lend you the money."  
  
"Right," said Alex as she rolled her eyes suspisuosly. "Lend"  
  
several minutes later outside the wand shop  
  
Katie waited outside while Alex got her wand. Suddenly there was an explosion from the shop and Alex came running out.  
  
"What just happend?" Katie asked as she olled through the window.  
  
"Well I found the right wand. 7 inches, supple, Mahogany with a Vella hair core..."  
  
"That still doesn't explain the exposion" Katie cut in.  
  
"I'm getting to that part" said Alex. "Anyway I was then told that the wand was good at the Dark Arts so I blew up the store to see if it was true."  
  
"Alex!" said Katie "Why the...."  
  
She was cut off by the shop manager running from the shop.   
  
"You didn't pay for that wand!" he said as he ran towards them.   
  
Alex reched into Katie's pocket and took some of the gold.   
  
"There's your money!" yelled Alex as she through the gold at him.  
  
End of chapter  
  
Review? 


	2. that's not enough

Chapter 2  
  
A/n: we got some questions with chapter one, so here are the answers: Katie and Alex are real people. We are the ones who are writing this story. I am not mean in the story or in real life. Katie has money because she felt like writing it like that. Any more questions? ok if you do, review, if you don't, well you can review anyway! Enjoy!

"Thats's enough!" yelled the shop manager, running after them.  
"Thats your problem!" Katie said. "Shall we run?"  
"We shall" replied Alex. Next thing they knew, they were being chased by the shop manager, who now had a pitchfork.   
"Where...where.did he....get that?" Katie asked in between breaths. Alex just shrugged. They continued to run through the crowed, bumping into witches and wizards. Katie glanced back and bumped into someone. She stumbled backwards and looked up. There, standing over her were none other than; Harry, Ron and Hermione.   
"Outta my way you nerds!" Alex yelled pushing them.   
"Hey Ali!" Katie yelled, still on the ground. Alex kept running.  
"You're on your own!" She yelled.  
"Are you ok?" Ron asked Katie. He held out his hand to help her up. She pushed him, knocking him over and jumped up to her feet. She looked down at him, then ran off after Alex.   
Her and Alex ran for ten minutes before they realised they were no longer being chased. The old manager had stopped because he was afraid of losing business. Alex and Katie had stopped in a deserted alley.   
"Oh and by the way I was only joking when I said you were on your own. I wasn't really going to leave you." Alex lied.   
Katie took out her wand. She flicked the wand, glueing Alex's mouth shut. Alex took out her wand and put an evil picture in Katie's mind; Rainbows and pink bunnies. Katie did the same thing, except it was clouds, angels and pink, lots of pink. Alex tried to scream, but Katie's curse hadn't lifted yet. Suddenly Hagrid showed up. He quickly stopped them.  
"Hey! You ruined all my fun!" Alex said as soon as the curse had lifted.   
"You could get expelled for tha'!" he said. "Anyway you know you're no supposed to use majic outside of school."  
"Too late! We already did!" said Katie.  
"An' you best be hopin' no one finds out or you could be in a lot of trouble." Hagrid continued.  
"And we care why?" Katie said.  
"Don' be showin' attitude, I don' want to see ya in trouble. Understand?"  
Katie and Alex nodded.  
"Alrigh' I'll see you at Hogwarts." Hagrid mutterd and walked away.  
  
A/N: sorry....i know its boring but I promise the next few chapters will be better  
  
Review?? Please?! 


	3. Sitting with the nerds

Voldermort and Hogwarts- chapter 3 A/N: for all you confused readers..Alex, and Ali are the same person! ok? ok! now to the insane story..chapter 4 will be up soon!! I hope!  
  
Chapter 3; sitting with the nerds   
Katie and Alex were walking around the Hogwarts train, looking for a place to sit. They found Draco, Crabbe and Goyle sitting in one of the compartments. Draco smiled when he saw them.  
"Do you mind if we sit here?" Katie asked Draco.  
"No" he said.  
A girl that looked like a pug named Pansy Parkinson, pushed past them out of the way and sat next to Draco. "Sorry no more room in here" she smirked.  
Katie and Alex walked along the train, only to find one compartment, with Harry, Hermione and Ron. Dum Dum Dum!! (scary music  
Ron sat by himself, on one side and Hermione and Harry on the other. Harry and Ron were filling their faces with food. "Ah a boogy flavoured one!" Harry shouted, and Hermione made a discusted look. Alex and Katie walked into their compartment.  
"If you're going to share a compartment with us, you better not talk or look at us. Understand?" Hermione said rudely. Alex and Katie sat down. "Fine." Katie snapped.  
"Would you like some every flavoured beans?" Ron asked them.  
They nodded and Ron poured some into their hands.  
"That's gross!" Alex said.  
"Why?" Ron asked.  
"What flavours did you get?" Katie asked.  
"Turkey, fish and grass" Ali replied as Hermione sighed in discust and picked up a book and started to read.  
"Why is turkey gross?" Katie asked.  
"It isn't, but because it's with fish and grass it is." Ali replied.  
The book Hermione was reading was actually thin. It was titled 'Quidditch through the ages.  
"May I see your book?" Katie asked Hermione. She looked up from the book and studied her for a second before she handed it over.  
"Oh my god!" Katie shouted after a few minutes.  
"What?" Alex asked.  
"Long ago in Quidditch, they used a snidget instead of a snitch. A snidget is a small, round golden bird. The game ended when the snidget was killed and the snidget killing seaker's team recieved 150 points. The snidget was almost wiped out." Katie read from the book.  
"Maybe I should use something like that as my msn name" Alex said. Ron looked at her dumfounded. "It's where you can talk to people all around the world on a computer" she explained. "Most muggles have them" she said after she saw that Ron still had no idea of what she was talking about.  
"We should be arriving soon." Hermione said and they all went silent.  
Katie was asleep when the train stopped. Ali took out her wand and begain to poke her. She poked her in the stomach, and Katie giggled in her sleep. Ali took her wand and hit KAtie in the head with it. Katie awaoke almost instantly.  
"Ow what was that for?" she muttered as she rubbed her head then curled back up. She closed her eyes just as Ali yelled in her ear.  
"THE TRAIN HAS STOPPED!"  
Katie opened her eyes. "OK!" she yelled. "DON'T YELL AT ME!" Ali yelled as Katie grabbed her stuff and walked away. "HEY I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU YET! DON'T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME!" Ali screamed. Harry, Ron and Hermione just stared at her.  
"What?" Alex asked. "Do you have a staring problem or something?" she rasied her wand. "What would be a good curse to use on..let me think...Hermione?! Maybe the Imperius curse?" Alex laughed evilly, as she put her wand away and walked off after Katie.  
"But she can't use the Imperius curse." Ron said. Alex turned around and walked back. Ron looked terrified. She calmly took out her wand and raised it. "I can, and I will." 


	4. follow the sandwich

Chapter 4- follow the sandwich   
-  
As they entered the hall a while later, Alex was still threatening to use the Imperius curse on Hermione. "Just let me use the curse!" Alex yelled.  
"Ali, no" Katie screamed back.  
"Oh will you please shut up" said a first year who just got sorted into Ravenclaw.  
"Yes, please sit down." said Dumbledore.  
Katie and Alex took their seats at the Slytherin table as Dumbledore begain his speech.  
"Welcome first years" he started.  
Proffesor Snape, head of Slytherin house, and teacher of potions, stared at Dumledore glumly.  
"First of all I'd like to say," he continued. "Well I'd like to inform you actually, that the forest is-" Dumbledore stopped as he looked as his plate. There was a small piece of paper with neat hand writing that said: 'follow the sandwhich'. Suddenly a sandwhich apeared on the plate. He glanced at it, then he continued his speech. "The forest is out of bounds to anyone who does not wish to die a slow and painful death."  
Proffesor McGonagall (head of Gryffindor house) suddenly remembered that there had been sightings of Voldermort in that area.  
"And..." Dumbledore's voice trailed off as he looked at the sandwich. "mmm..is that...ham?". He went to grab the sandwich and it moved. He waved his hands at all the tables. "Eat!" he shouted. Again, he went for the sandwich and it moved. He extended his arms, "Here sandwich, sandwich, sandwich! Who's a sandwich? You're a sandwich!"  
Everyone stared as he chased it to the door, and caught it and ate it quickly. He held his stomach and turned around to face everyone. "I have to go to the Avondale to buy cigarettes and beer." Dumbledore said as though he was hypnotized.  
"Don't mind him" Proffesor McGonagall said "He's been acting like this for sometime!"  
"Is he being possesed by Voldermort?" asked a Gryffindor fourth year.  
"How dare you speak his name!" Snape spat angerly. "Get out of here now!" She got up silently, crossed the hall, opened the door and stared at what was happening. "Um Proffesor McGonagall!? Voldermort is in the hall and he's just killed Proffesor Dumbledore."  
"I thought I told you not to say his name!" yelled Snape. "That'll be a week of detentions, make it two weeks for lying."  
"But it's true, Vol..I mean You-Know-Who was out there!"  
"Shut up, or it will be three weeks." Snape replied "Now get out of here!"  
She turned and left the hall looking hurt.  
"Proffesor Snape, Sandra is part of Gryffindor house, that means it's up to me to punish her." Proffesor McGonagall said sharply.  
"Umm...excuse me" said Sandra re-entering the hall. "Proffesor Dumbledore is passed out-not dead and now is being beaten with baseball bats by Voldermorts followers."  
Proffesor Snape walked out of the hall. Sandra waited nervously. She new what she saw and she was sticking to it.  
"Well..." Snape said as he walked back into the hall. "There was NO ONE THERE YOU IDIOT! YOU'RE EXPELLED!"  
Proffesor McGonagall grabbed Sandra's arm. "I'll deal with this" she said quietly as everyone stared at Snape. "STOP STARING!" he yelled. "Ok, I saw Dumbledore on the stairs. He said he needed to file paper work in his office. Maybe he's lost it, but he's still here and safe." he continued as he calmed down a bit. What he didn't know was that it was a fake. "Mr. Potter I thought that I told you not to stare, NOW GO SEE DUMBLEDORE!"  
Proffesor McGonagall took Harry and Sandra to see Dumbledore, and Snape told them to eat.  
The Slytherin table broke out in laughter at Harry's being punished.  
"I can't beleive famous Harry Potter is being punished!" yelled Malfoy.  
"So he's finally lost it," Katie told Alex. "Dumbledore has Alzhimers."  
Alex nodded in agreement as she stared at the new teacher. He was probably for Defence Against the Dark Arts. Their last teacher, Proffesor Lockhart, wasn't that great. 'Peskipiksi Pesternomi' or whatever that useless spell was for rounding up pixies. She hoped that he would be a lot better. Katie cut up her steak, while Alex poked her potatoes with her fork. Malfoy continued to shout things, but this time they were directed toward the Gryffindors.  
"Wanna get out of here?" Alex asked. Katie nodded. They both took out their wands. "Serpinsortia" Katie muttered. Suddenly a 20 foot snake shot out of her wand. "That should keep them busy."  
They ran towards the doors, but were caught by the head of Ravenclaw house.  
"You two get back her now!" he shouted and Alex turned around and pointed her wand at him.  
"Tarantallegra!" she shouted. Soon he begain to dance uncontrollably. By that time everyone except the Slytherins were running from the snake. Katie and Alex ran out of the hall as Proffesor McGonagall was about to go down them.  
"Alex, Katie Proffesor Dumbledore would like to see you. He says it's urgent. Very very urgent." 


	5. Dumbledore has Alzheimers

CHAPTER 5 Dumbledore's Got Alzheimers  
Katie and Alex saw Dumbledore quietly muttering to himself. They couldn't make out all the words but they could make some out like "Take..world..bow...me..mmm ham"  
"Um Dumbledore you wanted to see us." Alex said.  
Katie and Alex often did things that could get them expelled, but rarely got caught. They figured they got caught for the time they created a fifty foot squid and let it run loose of Hogsmade. But the one question was why they were being punished now.  
"Dumbledore? Is that what you called me?" Dumbledore said breaking their thoughts. He rose his arms, and started swinging them back and forth singing: "You spin me right 'round baby right 'round like a record baby right 'round right 'round"  
Alex and Katie stared blankly "You don't like that song?" he said. "Hmm let me think of another one. Imagine me and you and you and me, no matter how they toss the dice it had to be.." The continued singing, but now he was dancing around the room.  
Katie put her arm in front of Alex. "Pinch me I must be dreaming"  
Alex started to walk away.  
"Wait!" Dumbledore yelled. "I have something to tell you. I am...VOLDERMORT"  
Alex rolled her eyes "I told you he has alzheimers" Katie said. "And now I know it's true. Ok old man we'll get you some help"  
"No I'm fine"  
"It's obvious you're not"  
"Just promise me that you'll help me take over the...ham! mmm, sorry, take over the world! Ha ha ha! He he he"  
"Katie and Alex looked at each other for a sec. "Okay we'll help you" the said together.  
"Then the deal is done. Together we'll rule the world! Wizards and muggles beware." 


	6. Cows, dead, dying, heads, outside, mmmha...

Chapter 6- Cows, dead, dying, heads, outside, mmm...ham A/N: Do not read if you can't handle gore (or cows blowing up)

Katie and Alex slept soundly in their dorm, but Katie soon woke up to the sound of foot steps outside the door. She opened the door she saw Dumbledore pacing back and forth, but he was wearing a diaper. He paced back and forth mumbleing a few more times.  
"Hey Dumbledore, do you need help?" Katie asked.  
"I told you I'm Voldermort"  
"Okay fine. Do you need help 'Voldermort"  
"Cows, dead, dying, heads, outside, mmm...ham"  
Katie nodded then ran out the common room and down the hall. She ran down the marble stairs and outside.  
Outside there were thousands of cows, have with their heads blown off and others that were about to explode. One cow's eyes bulged and it mooed loudly, then it's head exploded. Katie stared in astonishment. "They're fake." said Dumbledore/Voldermort standing behind her.  
Katie looked at him, then back at the cows.  
"Cool!" she shouted.  
"Interesting"  
Katie and Dumbledore/Voldermort looked behind them, only to see Alex.  
"Du..I mean Voldermort, why are you wearing a diaper"  
"What do you mean? I'm not wearing a diaper!" He looked down "My god why am I wearing a diaper?" "Unhand him!" shouted an all to familliar voice. They turned around to see Harry Potter standing there with his wand raised. "Don't you usually say 'unhand' when someone's being captured?" Alex asked. Harry shrugged. "I'll use my wand. I'm not afraid to!" he said. "I'm scared now!" Katie yelled sarcasticly. "That's it, I'm tired of your mouth." Harry said.  
"Fine then," Katie said. "I challange you to a duel." 


	7. Tweet tweet I'm a dog

Chapter 7- Tweet tweet I'm a dog -  
"Yay! I won! " Katie exclaimed. "And I killed Harry Potter"  
"No you didn't" Alex stated as she walked over to Harry who was lying on the ground unconcious. "See? He's still breathing." "Then I must kill him!" she responded pointed her wand at him. "NO!" Dumbledore yelled. "I want to finally...I mean I want to kill him"  
"Okay..." Katie muttered.  
"I thought he liked him, oh well" Alex muttered, mostly to herself as she poked Harry with her wand.  
Suddenly Dumbledore ran into a bush. They heard glass breaking, followed by Dumbledore running from the bush talking to himself, as one of the biggest cows exploded completely.  
Alex stopped poking Harry and walked over to the bush. "Looks like the remains of a polyjuice potion. Maybe he is really Voldermort"  
"Ali look at the state of him. He's lost his mind. Besides he's probably using it because he has but sores"  
"Yeah, maybe." Alex replied as Dumbledore ran around the grounds.  
"TWEET TWEET!" he yelled as he ran flapping his arms. "I'm...mmm...ham...I mean I'm free! TWEET TWEET! I'M A DOG!" He soon ran into the forest and the sound of him screaming slowly faded away.  
"You won't belive what happened!" Alex and Katie turned around to see Hermione run out of the castle. "I was sitting in the common room when a giant spleen came crashing through the window and hit Ron! I was so freaked. I was like I have a huge test tomorrow and I can't study and take care of Ron, so I decided to study, but he's ok. So what's new? I got new shoes! They're vans...and...oh my god what happened to Harry"  
Katie held up her wand. "It seems like he's taken a turn for the worst." She said smiling.  
"What...how...why"  
"Don't-TWEET-worry-TWEET...mmm ham...we will-TWEET-help him-TWEET!" said Dumbledore flapping his arms in the air as he ran towards the lake.  
Hermione looked down at her watch. "I only have nine hours untill the test! I have to study!" she yelled as she ran back to the castle leaving Harry alone with Katie and Alex. 


	8. Voldemort Revealed

Chapter 8 Voldemort Revealed

* * *

Katie and Alex were waiting in the hall for the ball to begin. Katie went with Ron and Alex had gone with Seamus. Harry was still in the hospital recovery.  
They were waiting for Dumbledore to say his speech. He slowly rasied his hands to silence the crowd. Everyone waited in anticipation. Then Dumbledore spoke.  
"H is for heartfilling A is for amazing M is for most delicious thing in the world"  
Everyone stared in disbelief.  
"I am talking about ham. Ham is from a pig. Pig is not cow. Cow is not naturally exploding. An I...uh just want to make it clear that I'm not responcible for that incident. I am not sure what part of the pig that it comes from but that does not matter.  
"Now I will explain the healthy and nutritious things about ham"  
ONE HOUR LATER

"And ham is also very..." Dumbledore paused as he felt his skin bubble, he quickly became Voldemort.  
"He is Voldemort!" Alex gasped.  
Katie shrugged "I..uh...knew that the whole time"  
Voldemort kept taling as if he haden't changed, as everyone ran towards the doors, screaming in panic. A Hufflepuff first year curled put in a fetal postion.  
"He's here! Oh no! Where in god's name is Harry Potter when you need him." He whined.  
Still, Voldemort kept talking. "Why are you running? It's just ham"  
"You're Voldemort" Alex told him.  
He looked down at his hands. "Oh I see. Stop running"  
Everyone imediatly stopped running.  
"What have you done to Voldemort?" Asked a ravenclaw fourth year.  
"When Sandra saw Dumbledore being beat, that was the real Dumbledore. When Snape saw him on the stairs, that was the real Dumbledore. Until tonight it was the real Dumbledore"  
The real Dumbledore came running into the hall. "Tweet Tweet TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!" he shouted.  
"So why did he need the polyjuice potion?" Katie asked Alex.  
"'Cause he really does have alzhiemers." Alex responded.  
"He was under the imperus curse." Voldemort continued ignoring Katie and Alex.  
"Are you really Voldemort?" Asked a Slytherin seventh year.  
Voldemort nodded and all of the Slytherins (except Alex and Katie) begain to bow down like knights before their king.  
"You won't get away with this!" said Professor McGonagall.  
"Says who? Alex, Katie"  
Alex and Katie quickly joined him.  
"I'd like you to meet my right-hand people." he said.  
"We're gonna get expelled" Alex mutterd nervously.  
"Only if they can stop Voldemort" Katie smirked.  
"I will take over Hogwarts, then the wizarding world. Then I will eventually rule the entire world!" Voldemort laughed.  
Everyone screamed in panic.  
"You won't take over the world. I will stop you"  
Harry Potter stood in the crowd and prepared to take down Voldemort.  
End Of Chapter

* * *

A/N- Thanks to everyone who reviewed and I'm sorry about the wait. Chapter 9 should be up soon!

Will Voldemort rule the world? Will Harry stop Voldemort? Or will he get killed in the process? Read Chapter 9 and find out!


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